Patrolling the mediocracy
Food for thought from Ben Diamond at the end of an unsavory year. In verse.
Why settle for a partially festive season when you could be out for the count? We need a top tier with opiates and Nytol plus a quality mattress. Sean and Robin expose a missed opportunity for Sunak and Hancock.
Podcast: It’s National Album Day! It’s the 80s! It’s a Radio 2 poll! Will it be Dire Straits, or Public Enemy, or Whitney? Robin and Sean buy a kilo of mixed vinyl at Aldi and vote. Contains filler.
Podcast: Britain’s obsessed with crime and everyone’s at it – Boris Johnson, Dennis Nilsen, Judas Priest, you name it (some offences are historic). Sean and Robin jump on the bandwagon.
Podcast: Now Johnson and his mob want citizens back in harness – it’s a moral obligation! Robin and Sean unpeel the latest edicts, despite danger of death.
Podcast: You can #CoverYourFace, but you can’t hide from Brexit – even if you’re gov.uk. So it’s Check, Change, Go! Sean and Robin unpack the new public service announcements.
We are shuttered inside due to a worldwide pandemic and our response is … “What if that couch was really a cake?”
Podcast: Could ‘Enjoy Summer Safely’ be as good as classics like ‘Control The Virus’ or ‘Build Build Build’? Robin and Sean road test the government’s latest campaign – plus interventions of the fortnight from Hancock & Dowden!
Podcast: Wake up world! Introspection and box sets are out, getting the bustle back is in – going to the pub, fouling the beach, kicking the fuzz and honking on hippy crack. Robin and Sean test the water, but not in Bournemouth. Contains tinned tomatoes.
Podcast: WTF is Prime Minister Dominic Cummings wearing? Where can you get a pair of slippers in lockdown? Should you have a barbecue and should you use Buckfast? Robin and Sean put on their top hats.
Podcast: How’s the coronavirus going transatlantic? MMR’s Captain America, Ben Diamond, joins Robin and Sean to talk bleach cocktails, half-naked Zoombombers and ancient aliens. Contains fruit.
Podcast: Can you control the virus using TV Choice (65p)? Should we really be going out, or staying in and watching telly? Did they have boxsets during the Blitz? Robin and Sean turn on, tune in and drop bombs. Contains crafting.
Podcast: Damien Hirst, swimming certificates, signed footballs and the Cocteau Twins – all in service behind the talking heads. Robin and Sean examine the decor. Contains background information.
Podcast: Despite the dire state of the coronavirus planet, there have been moments of magic. From Eamonn Holmes! Boris Johnson! Dominic Cummings! Matt Hancock! The Previous Labour Government! Robin and Sean have got bugger all else to do. Contains hope.
Like you, I am holed up in my flat for the remainder of this pandemic. But unlike my thousands of Facebook friends, millions of followers and three loyal readers, I am thrilled by this situation!
The betting podcast: It’s that time of year. The Cheltenham Festival, the biggest punting week in the world. Should you wear a face mask? Is an ante-post bet a good idea? Is any bet a good idea? Robin and Sean search for answers. Contains salutary lessons.
Podcast: It’s the BRITs. Playground for the idiocracy, or stark reflection of our culture? And mainly should comedy genius Lewis Capaldi replace the failing Whitehall? Robin and Sean watch and learn. Contains diversity.
Podcast: Paris Hilton is in a kitchen, cooking lasagne. #CookingWithParis. Doesn’t sound that great, but it is. Is she desperate? Or is she just out to make an honest sliving? Sean and Robin hail a work of comic genius. Contains onion. No wait, it doesn’t.
The betting podcast: You’ve got until April 14 to max out your credit card with the bookies – then it’s banned. But is it really so wrong? More pertinently, how are Tranmere doing in the FA Cup? Who will win the Super Bowl? Anything in the Aussie tennis? Robin and Sean dig in on the punting front.
Podcast: The heir heads are doing a bunk. Harry and Meghan, #SussexRoyal, want to have their swan cake and eat it – but are they doing it for the gram, or taking one for the firm? Robin and Sean surf the wave of media poison. Contains deference – as always!