The Magic of Christmas Upgraded Currys PC World
Come on, ffs
Yeah, come on. Who buys Christmas presents at Currys PC World? I’ll tell you who.
Firstly, people with a lot of dough. Dimwitted breadheads who expect the givee to compute the catalogue price of a Bose soundbar or an iPad and respond with equivalent gratitude. Yeah, right. You’re wrong. They’ll just conclude you’re an unimaginative, mud-brained short-thinker congenitally incapable of empathy or emotion.
Secondly, unimaginative, mud-brained short-thinkers congenitally incapable of empathy or emotion, but the ones without a lot of dough. Sort of sheepishly sidle into Currys PC World and just get the Sony £13.99 in-ears. Hopeless desperados who don’t really expect any equivalent gratitude. Even more screwed than the first lot.
Whoever they are, the whole pursuit is one step up from handing over brackets from Screwfix or engine oil from Halfords, two up from a late-night service station special. Currys PC World know it and that’s why they’ve vomited up a would-be Dickensian dystopia in a failed attempt to make us feel cosy and hot for tech at the same time.
Can there be a retail outlet less synonymous with chestnuts roasting on an open fire? No. Okay, maybe Screwfix or Halfords. But here they are, the chestnuts, warmed up in an AEG steam oven. I’m told that’s what it is. Plus carol singers with Surface Pros and mutton-chop whisker types shouting “Huzzah!” at the black-and-white LG big screen.
We get it. Christmas has been upgraded, although it hasn’t, logically – it’s the bygone era that has. What I’m really interested in – just for peace of mind, and God knows you’ll need it, we all need it, if you’ve ever suffered the inconvenience of your Christmas breaking down, and who hasn’t? – is can you protect the product with a Repair & Support Plan? No? Ach. The old dame with the noise-cancelling cans has the right idea.